we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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