i just wanna soil my oats bro
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
whose parrot is this?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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