I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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