I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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