I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize