he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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