Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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