I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize