Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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