Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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