I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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