if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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