Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
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When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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