When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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