just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize