I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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