Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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