She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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