I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize