I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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