I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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