Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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