the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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