There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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