My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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