I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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