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If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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