i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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