I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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