And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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