You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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