matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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