First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize