Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize