All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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