I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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