I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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