just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize