Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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