the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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