Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
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did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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