Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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