You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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