im having a threesome with these popsicles
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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