I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize