uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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