Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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