you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize