i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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