Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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